Empty noise

Screaming in an empty room doesn't break the smothering gloom, staring at the night, while your reflection stares back by moonlight....
Many thoughts roll by ,  no big surprise , I sit and I stare, pretending not to care....
But memories are a cheap dance , and will destroy you if given a chance 
So i choose to sit quietly staring out a window , lost in the same thought that just wont let go....
In it creeps , even when i sleep , I awaken somewhat shaken , but it still repeats...
"She was never going to show, didn't you know , this is not the first time you've been the punch line of a joke.....
Over and over one vicious cycle, I need to jump off but its unlikely and doubtful...
Because i've gotten so use to the heartbreaking pain , that the embarressment of abandonment is no longer shame....
Agony gives me love , Misery a back breaking hug , A tearful injection of unwantedness has become an obsessive drug....
I'm staring out this window the moonlight kisses my reflection , one hundred years from now my dusty bones will be an indication...
Of what will never be when you give your heart completely , and you get nothing in return because nothing is what they see....
So holding tightly back the tears , screaming loudly hoping everyone will hear....
This empty room now holds my voice , but no ones listening its just empty noise....- Jac!



Copyright 2012 Generation Jac! Publishing   

# Volcano #

Call me Volcano you see me everyday , but you never say a word occasionally you'll turn and glance my way , but for the most part you walk by, with a sparkle in your eye
speaking sweetly of someone who has sent you soaring into the sky....
I am the volcano you've ignored so long , I've been there when you needed me when you were right and wrong , once sometime back you enjoyed my company , but now what pleases you does not include me....
Walking by without a word expressing not a sound , smileing and cheering about the true love you've finally found , I watched you throw away all the pain of the past , stepped aside wished you well , but in my heart knew it wouldn't last....
Because what your looking for is not to be found , on the streets , in a club ,or with the first guy who lays you down , Everything you've wanted all the the affection you crave , The one you cried for when you wanted to be saved....                    
Has been there waiting for you to get on track , wanting to wipe away your tears if you'd only look back....
But you dont , so your heart is broken ripped out and exposed , you act tough try not to cry as you walk pass the volcano , he see you watches you as you move to the next shredder , and wonders i guess being abused by losers makes her feel better....
Call me the Volcano you see me everyday , but you never seem to have anything to say...................... at least not to me.



Copyright 2012 Generation Jac! Publishing     

Don't look at me.

Peel back a layer or maybe three , look on the outside but dont look at me , brush away the dirt because theirs alot , i'm only human or have you forgot , maybe not like you , i dont want to be , so when you turn on the lights don't look at me ....
All we had between us has fallen to the ground , got trampled , and crushed and we made not a sound , no rescues ever came , no heroes appeared , this love died in a corner in fear....All that can be said if there is a need to be free , don't say a word , don't look at me......
I shall retreat into a shell and concede i have failed , find comfort in my dreams where everything ends well , as we walk away from each other and cut all ties , we find security , and safety in well constructed lies....
Crushing each others heart as we tell the story to friends , but in reality were hurt deeply and wish it never came to an end , the wall between us could have been 100 feet from the top - down , but if either one of us had tried we could have went around....
It would not have been such a long walk , and when we made it around we could 've sat and talked , I go to the site where it all ended for lunch , its my memorial to the place where i mattered to someone once ....
So when you peel back one layer , or maybe three look on the outside don't look at me.....- Jac!


Copyright 2012 Generation Jac! Publishing  

6 Billion books and counting....

I had intended on writing something different , but then i got lost in thought , and started thinking each human being is in comparison just like a book ,  from their birth , through life , until death your name  is the " Title" and the first page starts with the words " John or Jane Doe was born on this date at this time in this year. And everything you've done has and will be written down and added to your book , each sentence or paragraph can be considered a daily activity , and a chapter  can be looked at as something that dramatically changes the course of your life. Such as quitting or being terminated from your job , starting a buisness , getting married , having children , going to jail , moving to a new state or country getting hooked on drugs or alcohol  ( I'll stop with the examples you guys get the point... ) which is anything that can change the current direction of  your personal or family life is a new chapter in your life . Now sometimes we get writers block while were writing our story , in real life its called getting comfortable the way things are not wanting to take a risk because you might fail or maybe you dont want to loose the little bit of achievement you've gained , or hell you could just be lazy ( and when i say you i'm not refering to anyone in particular , ......or am I Ha ha ha ha you'll never know....) anyway without risk you can never turn the page of life and remember everything you do is risky . Lets say you fall in love ( Which is an unreal , and made up phenomena  it doesn't happen... ) but for the sake of this post lets say you do , then you decide to get married ( don't do it ... ) there's alot of risk that comes with being married alot of chages that your going to have to make to your personal habits , changes your going to have to make to your life, thats a new chapter in the book of you .
Hmmm , this is turning into a pretty interesting post thought provoking, when a loved one passes on your response will determine a course of action that will move you or you and your family to a place of peace , and understanding or kaos and collapse , and it will all be part of your book . I think the reason i started thinking about this is because , sometimes we get stagnated , stuck in a rutt i include myself in that catagory , and we tend to think this is it we can't go any farther , but thats not true all we need to do is look at that mountain and insted of saying i can't climb it , its to big , to huge say can i go around it or what do i need to get over it , when confronted with an ocean of deep water and you can't swim , learn how to swim by floating , you can only change your circumstances by realizing they need to be changed , and having the courage to leave your comfort zone and make those changes and expand the book of you add more chapters , more pages some will be sad , and painful others will be filled with success , happiness but regardless keep writing the story of you and taking the chances , that will change your life . Don't get stuck . - Jac!