Dedicated to those who see no way out.
I am alive, I am alive despite the emptiness in my eyes, you can laugh and whisper behind my back, but i am dead so immune to all your attacks****
Don't ask me questions about whats going on in my head, don't act like you care, about the things I've said****
My long sleeves are like shields as i make myself invisible, I do this for protection against the critical stares from people****
Why do i feel this way what has brought me to this end, who threw the rock that left me broken****
I ask myself over and over again as i shrunk away from family and friends
who's to blame myself i know, But they're other who forced me down this road****
Each line i make represents a word, every cut that's deep is something painful i heard****
Every drop of blood is a tear I've shed, For the many hateful words about me said****
The four walls of my room is where i like to be, there I'm listened to the walls hear me****
I cut and burn to know that i'm still alive, I have to i have no control i'm dead inside****
Both my arms look like road maps when they're turned, And there's no where else to cut that's why i started to burn****
Its an strange feeling being addicted to self inflicted pain, I say i don't like but each day its the same****
My family and friends don't know what to do, they just smile and say they love but i know its not true****
Once i'm out of the hospital they yell and call me name's, Nothing ever change's not a damn thing has change****
You say you want to help me you want me alive, I don't want your help i just want to die****
I self harm because i'm not whole, No one has ever truly cared to help me get control****
If i didn't have to be here i'd get out now, Maybe one of my cuts will get infected and end it some how****
Alone unwanted an unread book, Never given a second glance never given a second look****
The one in the corner with nothing to say, the one who's told your in the way****
In a room alone with something to hide, Secrets you bury so you can live your life****
You don't want to die but..........
Written by Metal Jac! Sabertooth
Copyright 2013 Generation Jac! Publishing
Friday, February 15, 2013
Saturday, February 9, 2013
Dance
I walk with no where in particular to go, No one really knows me although we walk the same road....
As i travel the extensive broken ashphalt lane, expecting to see something different but the sceneries the same....
Long journey's are shorten with someone by your side, when you grow weary you look into their eye's....
Your energized with a desire to impress, you do more than endure you do more than your best....
Thats the nature when two become one, A partnership to overcome and get the job done....
*******************************************************
But thats wishful thinking by a romanticizing man, Who's mind wandering while watching a couple holding hands....
In the wasteland and desert of broken hearts and dreams, Its a superhuman feat to be loved like a human being....
A wanderer among the desert of broken hearts, Trying to find pieces that match but its hard....
If your one of many vagabonds of love takin for granted and pushed away, Always on trial for things you didnt do or say....
Wanting and desireing to be part of something special and unique, But afraid to step forward and reluctant to peek....
&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&
Believeing past rejections will raise their ugly heads, and take the small part of you thats not yet dead....
How sad but true on a sunny day the clouds follow you, As you sit in a croweded room your thoughts debate, How misery and lonlinees came together fro a date....
You take your hand from your forehead stand up and advance, No one else knows your alive so you ask lonliness for a Dance....
Copyright 2013 Generation Jac! Publishing
As i travel the extensive broken ashphalt lane, expecting to see something different but the sceneries the same....
Long journey's are shorten with someone by your side, when you grow weary you look into their eye's....
Your energized with a desire to impress, you do more than endure you do more than your best....
Thats the nature when two become one, A partnership to overcome and get the job done....
*******************************************************
But thats wishful thinking by a romanticizing man, Who's mind wandering while watching a couple holding hands....
In the wasteland and desert of broken hearts and dreams, Its a superhuman feat to be loved like a human being....
A wanderer among the desert of broken hearts, Trying to find pieces that match but its hard....
If your one of many vagabonds of love takin for granted and pushed away, Always on trial for things you didnt do or say....
Wanting and desireing to be part of something special and unique, But afraid to step forward and reluctant to peek....
&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&
Believeing past rejections will raise their ugly heads, and take the small part of you thats not yet dead....
How sad but true on a sunny day the clouds follow you, As you sit in a croweded room your thoughts debate, How misery and lonlinees came together fro a date....
You take your hand from your forehead stand up and advance, No one else knows your alive so you ask lonliness for a Dance....
Copyright 2013 Generation Jac! Publishing
Thursday, February 7, 2013
Despite Words in my head......
I felt my heart jump in my chest, so powerful the leap i lost my breath, the first time in a long while i felt that way, i wondered if the feeling would stay.....
I found myself walking on air, everyone wondering how i got up there, this was more than imagination, So i strecthed out my arms in anticipation....
Expecting to recieve a long awaited reward, redemption for all my heart has endured..
Turning my ears from all that has been said, despite the words running through my head....
You cant be that gullible or trusting indeed, Why do you go looking to be decieved always wanting an embrace or a kind word spoken, from those who you know are shattered and broken, what you get you will deserve, because to them a kind word is just a word....
You will be acknowledged and leaned on when their blue, then thrown away when they've gotten their use....
I listened and thought about what was said, Ignored it all got hurt despite the words in my head.....
I found myself walking on air, everyone wondering how i got up there, this was more than imagination, So i strecthed out my arms in anticipation....
Expecting to recieve a long awaited reward, redemption for all my heart has endured..
Turning my ears from all that has been said, despite the words running through my head....
You cant be that gullible or trusting indeed, Why do you go looking to be decieved always wanting an embrace or a kind word spoken, from those who you know are shattered and broken, what you get you will deserve, because to them a kind word is just a word....
You will be acknowledged and leaned on when their blue, then thrown away when they've gotten their use....
I listened and thought about what was said, Ignored it all got hurt despite the words in my head.....
Friday, November 30, 2012
Up, Up and Away with an Update......
Hello I'm Jac! and i'm back i'll make this somewhat quick , its been what 13 days since i last posted Thanksgiving has come and gone and i decided to get serious. What i mean by that, is that i'm somewhat of a Overachieveing-Underachieveing glacier slow perfectionist when it comes to my music, so long story short( By that i mean i'm not going to go into details or tell the whole story...) anyway i've written, copyrighted and composed 28 songs thats alot , but of the 28 i have probably half completed 2( When i say completed i'm refering to production, you know adding other intruments, mixing, equalizing etc,etc..) I consider my un-finished material , as sketches, or rough drafts because they consists of one or two intruments and i haven't polished their sound, soooo since i have been putting alot of dishes on my table( a meal comparison to the amount of work i'm doing..) I've decided to put up some , a few, a handful of musical sketches( rough drafts ) why? why not. Their'll be examples of the creative process at work you'll watch them evole on Jacmania online.com/home page 2, from the mistake stained unbalanced rough draft , into musical work of art, I like this idea and i'm going to enjoy sharing the process and my music with you. Fyi ( For your information ) i'm not a singer but i attempt to lay down the lyrics on some of my songs, so comment on the singing i'm a musician now with that said "Stay crunchy".
Footnote : It's probably better to listen with earphones or speaker extension i produced and recorded these song in stereo with certain special audio effects, just letting you know that the regular speakers on your computer takes some of the effects, away from some songs like metal Jac!
Footnote : It's probably better to listen with earphones or speaker extension i produced and recorded these song in stereo with certain special audio effects, just letting you know that the regular speakers on your computer takes some of the effects, away from some songs like metal Jac!
Saturday, November 17, 2012
Fade Away
She rolled her eye's turned away, without even a goodbye she had nothing to say *
I believed in what we had i believed in us, I fooled myself i believed to much *
She walked toward a car and opened the door, I followed behind asking for something more *
Why are you going what have i done? Your always wanting to talk, now you just want to run *
Nothing is said she doesn't even look me in the eye, Oh did i tell in the drivers seat was some guy *
He smile at me and gives me the peace sign, and says i hope you didn't kiss her, 'cause this mourning she was mine *
My pain evaporate's and i start to shake, But then he drives off quickly and i hear something break *
A sharp pain engulf's me and my eye's have become watery, Somethings broke, i'm in pain and now i can't see *
Dude has my girl and what ever she took, add insult to injury he just broke my foot *
The next day around 3pm i make it back home, and i guess i wasn't dreaming, once again i'm alone *
But she came by while i was gone and cleaned out the apartment, It's my fault, i'm to blame i should not have told where i went *
It's 6 weeks later and i'm sitting here on the floor, I lost my job, i have no electricity i just sit here drinking cheap wine from the store *
This is how i'll deal with it, in this dark room and filth i'll stay, Their's a big rat across from me watching me Fade away.....
Copyright 2012 Generation Jac! Publishing
I believed in what we had i believed in us, I fooled myself i believed to much *
She walked toward a car and opened the door, I followed behind asking for something more *
Why are you going what have i done? Your always wanting to talk, now you just want to run *
Nothing is said she doesn't even look me in the eye, Oh did i tell in the drivers seat was some guy *
He smile at me and gives me the peace sign, and says i hope you didn't kiss her, 'cause this mourning she was mine *
My pain evaporate's and i start to shake, But then he drives off quickly and i hear something break *
A sharp pain engulf's me and my eye's have become watery, Somethings broke, i'm in pain and now i can't see *
Dude has my girl and what ever she took, add insult to injury he just broke my foot *
The next day around 3pm i make it back home, and i guess i wasn't dreaming, once again i'm alone *
But she came by while i was gone and cleaned out the apartment, It's my fault, i'm to blame i should not have told where i went *
It's 6 weeks later and i'm sitting here on the floor, I lost my job, i have no electricity i just sit here drinking cheap wine from the store *
This is how i'll deal with it, in this dark room and filth i'll stay, Their's a big rat across from me watching me Fade away.....
Copyright 2012 Generation Jac! Publishing
Monster.....
Is it fair to make a being to raise with a name, neglect , abuse and riddicule to shame.. * Feed it, curse it and throw it out , then wonder what its rage is all about..*
I dont claim perfection, nowhere am i close, I have never been a model to be copied or invoked, I know, my personality is a force of nature overwelming at times but nothing to fear..*
Look in the mirror or any object that cast a reflection, your image is a wittness to my vindication, I do my own thing i can not conform , I am different have always been since the day i was born..*
I belong to no group am part of no cast, A prisoner of the future, who's chased by the past, Labeled by others a troublesome bad seed, but i never turn my back on those in need..*
My mistakes are plenty and by them i could fall, but my good on the scales levels it all, What does that make me, for that matter us we've all done deeds to loose or gain trust..*
I'm a creature of habit but also the unexpected i keep my emotions well protected, I may not do or say what is liked or wanted but does that make me a MONSTER ...............
Copyright 2012 Generation Jac! Publishing
I dont claim perfection, nowhere am i close, I have never been a model to be copied or invoked, I know, my personality is a force of nature overwelming at times but nothing to fear..*
Look in the mirror or any object that cast a reflection, your image is a wittness to my vindication, I do my own thing i can not conform , I am different have always been since the day i was born..*
I belong to no group am part of no cast, A prisoner of the future, who's chased by the past, Labeled by others a troublesome bad seed, but i never turn my back on those in need..*
My mistakes are plenty and by them i could fall, but my good on the scales levels it all, What does that make me, for that matter us we've all done deeds to loose or gain trust..*
I'm a creature of habit but also the unexpected i keep my emotions well protected, I may not do or say what is liked or wanted but does that make me a MONSTER ...............
Copyright 2012 Generation Jac! Publishing
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| Vampire Jac! |
Monday, November 12, 2012
Flaws by J@c!...
Are you broken beyond repair, standing beneath a shattered sky, gasping for air...............
Wounds deeper then the oceans, with turbulent waves of emotions......................................
Have you examined your life, brought the hidden things to light..........................................
And by what ever means, picked the bones clean....................................................................
Exposeing beyond all doubt, a truth for which you are about................................................
You are a faultline a tornado, it was secret but now they know..............................................
A skeleton in the back room of your mind, has taken on the life of another kind.................
All your flaws are now visible people point and stare, no longer can you pretend like you don't care.............................................................................................................................................
You grit your teeth and close your eyes, but the wounds are so deep you just can't cry.........
So you search and you seekout a friendly face, someone to help you find your place............
Someone to give meaning and understand, to speak plainly and take a stand........................
Who will not see you through the window of your crimes, but see you as the here and now and the past as forgotten time..................................................................................................................
All the others who have come and gone, saw your past and all your wrongs..........................
Condemned you as bad and a viral plight, scarring you for the rest of your life.....................
But in your pain and stress, a friend will pull you from the mess.............................................
And see you for you and not what they saw, because when they looked all they saw was flaws.
Copyright 2012 Generation Jac! Publishing
Wounds deeper then the oceans, with turbulent waves of emotions......................................
Have you examined your life, brought the hidden things to light..........................................
And by what ever means, picked the bones clean....................................................................
Exposeing beyond all doubt, a truth for which you are about................................................
You are a faultline a tornado, it was secret but now they know..............................................
A skeleton in the back room of your mind, has taken on the life of another kind.................
All your flaws are now visible people point and stare, no longer can you pretend like you don't care.............................................................................................................................................
You grit your teeth and close your eyes, but the wounds are so deep you just can't cry.........
So you search and you seekout a friendly face, someone to help you find your place............
Someone to give meaning and understand, to speak plainly and take a stand........................
Who will not see you through the window of your crimes, but see you as the here and now and the past as forgotten time..................................................................................................................
All the others who have come and gone, saw your past and all your wrongs..........................
Condemned you as bad and a viral plight, scarring you for the rest of your life.....................
But in your pain and stress, a friend will pull you from the mess.............................................
And see you for you and not what they saw, because when they looked all they saw was flaws.
Copyright 2012 Generation Jac! Publishing
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