Up, Up and Away with an Update......

Hello I'm Jac! and i'm back i'll make this somewhat quick , its been what 13 days since i last posted Thanksgiving has come and gone and i decided to get serious. What i mean by that, is that i'm somewhat of a Overachieveing-Underachieveing glacier slow perfectionist when it comes to my music, so long story short( By that i mean i'm not going to go into details or tell the whole story...) anyway i've written, copyrighted and composed 28 songs thats alot , but of the 28 i have probably half completed 2( When i say completed i'm refering to production, you know adding other intruments, mixing, equalizing etc,etc..) I consider my un-finished material , as sketches, or rough drafts because they consists of one or two intruments and i haven't polished their sound, soooo since i have been putting alot of dishes on my table( a meal comparison to the amount of work i'm doing..) I've decided to put up some , a few, a handful of musical sketches( rough drafts ) why? why not. Their'll be examples of the creative process at work you'll watch them evole on Jacmania online.com/home page 2, from the mistake stained unbalanced rough draft , into musical work of art, I like this idea and i'm going to enjoy sharing the process and my music with you. Fyi ( For your information ) i'm not a singer but i attempt to lay down the lyrics on some of my songs, so comment on the singing i'm a musician now with that said "Stay crunchy".

Footnote : It's probably better to listen with earphones or speaker extension i produced and recorded these song in stereo with certain special audio effects, just letting you know that the regular speakers on your computer takes some of the effects, away from some songs like metal Jac! 

Fade Away

She rolled her eye's turned away, without even a goodbye she had nothing to say *
I believed in what we had i believed in us, I fooled myself i believed to much *
She walked toward a car and opened the door, I followed behind asking for something more *
Why are you going what have i done? Your always wanting to talk, now you just want to run *
Nothing is said she doesn't even look me in the eye, Oh did i tell in the drivers seat was some guy *
He smile at me and gives me the peace sign, and says i hope you didn't kiss her, 'cause this mourning she was mine *
My pain evaporate's and i start to shake, But then he drives off quickly and i hear something break *
A sharp pain engulf's me and my eye's have become watery, Somethings broke, i'm in pain and now i can't see *
Dude has my girl and what ever she took, add insult to injury he just broke my foot *
The next day around 3pm i make it back home, and i guess i wasn't dreaming, once again i'm alone *
But she came by while i was gone and cleaned out the apartment, It's my fault, i'm to blame i should not have told where i went *
It's 6 weeks later and i'm sitting here on the floor, I lost my job, i have no electricity i just sit here drinking cheap wine from the store *
This is how i'll deal with it, in this dark room and filth i'll stay, Their's a big rat  across from me watching me Fade away.....


Copyright 2012  Generation Jac! Publishing    

Monster.....

Is it fair to make a being to raise with a name, neglect , abuse and riddicule to shame.. * Feed it, curse it and throw it out , then wonder what its rage is all about..*
I dont claim perfection, nowhere am i close, I have never been a model to be copied or invoked, I know, my personality is a force of nature overwelming at times but nothing to fear..*
Look in the mirror or any object that cast a reflection, your image is a wittness to my vindication, I do my own thing i can not conform , I am different have always been since the day i was born..*
I belong to no group am part of no cast, A prisoner of the future, who's chased by the past, Labeled by others a troublesome bad seed, but i never turn my back on those in need..*
My mistakes are plenty and by them i could fall, but my good on the scales levels it all, What does that make me, for that matter us we've all done deeds to loose or gain trust..*
I'm a creature of habit but also the unexpected i keep my emotions well protected, I may not do or say what is liked or wanted but does that make me a MONSTER ............... 


Copyright 2012 Generation Jac! Publishing






Vampire Jac!

Flaws by J@c!...

Are you broken beyond repair, standing beneath a shattered sky, gasping for air...............
Wounds deeper then the oceans, with turbulent waves of emotions......................................
Have you examined your life, brought the hidden things to light..........................................
And by what ever means, picked the bones clean....................................................................
Exposeing beyond all doubt, a truth for which you are about................................................
You are a faultline a tornado, it was secret but now they know..............................................
A skeleton in the back room of your mind, has taken on the life of another kind.................
All your flaws are now visible people point and stare, no longer can you pretend like you don't care.............................................................................................................................................
You grit your teeth and close your eyes, but the wounds are so deep you just can't cry.........
So you search and you seekout a friendly face, someone to help you find your place............
Someone to give meaning and understand, to speak plainly and take a stand........................
Who will not see you through the window of your crimes, but see you as the here and now and the past as forgotten time..................................................................................................................
All the others who have come and gone, saw your past and all your wrongs..........................
Condemned you as bad and a viral plight, scarring you for the rest of your life.....................
But in your pain and stress, a friend will pull you from the mess.............................................
And see you for you and not what they saw, because when they looked all they saw was flaws.



Copyright 2012 Generation Jac! Publishing  

Freeze...

I woke up with her image in my head , So i laid there trying to dream again in bed , I know theirs no chance she's thinking of me, but i can't help, but believe she's what i need....
Do you know what its like to be in a deep freeze, to be a closed book no one else can read, to chill the blood of a helping hand , and make them tremble where they stand....
A slow moving glacier at a moment in time, a calm outside appearance that's crumbling inside, I sit alone as life and time walk by, With only myself for company until i heard "hi"......
"What?," i said , as i turned and looked in her eye's, and with a non assuming smile she once again said "hi.....
I wasn't sure what to say, but i begain feeling something.. deeply ,   She didn't seem to mind...my silence she just stared at me sweetly ,  I wanted to speak but was afraid my voice would crack ,  so i turned away and looked down and never spoke back.....

But this intoxicating beauty sitting next to me, never gave up in her attempts to get me to speak ,  Damn my frozen heart and love scarred mind,  I can't get out! i've imprisoned myself in my own self pitying shrine.....
What power can pull the radiance, and beauty from the heavens to the ground, and place it in the most appealing of forms and next to me sit it down... 
That's what i thought to myself , but it had no meaning to no one but myself....
Well it doesn't matter, is the lie that i told , she wasn't in to me, but i will never know.....
As she stood she smiled as if to let me know , I was interested i wanted to talk but out of fear you froze......


Copyright 2012 Generation Jac! Publishing
 

Real Life

No one has ever promised you a rose garden, so why do so many people think they are due something in which they have not worked or givin sweat for? : Good question, let me tell you why.

When were born we have unlimited, and unknown potential as we grow we discover each what we are capable of and what we're incapable of, we start to learn what we like, what we dislike in time we realize that we have a gift for something no one else can do in the manner that we can do.
So at an early age (let's say 8 through 12 ) we decide in our minds that this is something we want to do, were happy we share it with our family and friends, now in fantasy land that would be the end of the story their would be a happy ending those young children would achieve their dreams and live happy ever after, but this is real life and in real life in some families when a child approaches an adult family member with dreams and aspirations their slapped down and step on, their dreams are cast in to the trash can along side that adult family members dreams.
And if its not the mother, father, aunt , uncle or grandparents who crushes the life out of that childs hopes, and dreams its a sibling or friend, or teacher if you posses the special gift of singing and at a young age you begin to explore that talent seeing were you can take it and while learning all that you can about your abilities, and your gift your suddenly told your singing sounds like ( Just adding a little humor here :) glass bottles being broke over a homeles man's head, your going to be devastated and most likely that will be the last time you will be open publicly about what your true talent is , for the most part people who experience this type of negative enforcement about something they truely believe they can do effortlessly at a young age wheather its singing, danceing, drawing, math, reading you name it once they've been riddiculed they shut down and move on to persue something they don't love , but doesn't bring any riddicule they attempt to excell and some may , but their never happy.
The purpose of this post is to simply say be careful about, and at times police what you say to young children , I've met lots of people ( Adults ) who are very talented , creative, good organizers , but when they were young something was told to them that stop their momentum and march towards their dream, and once the words of discouragement took root in their mind no one chose to support them by motivating them to believe in what they can be, I know at times it can be hard to remember to say to your child "Great job, or your going to be a success", because real life happens so imagine how hard it is to say to an adult those same words , but maybe its time we did i've wittness personally individuals some of whom are followers of this blog, who have phenominal talent singing , writing , danceing, instrument playing so i make it a point to complement talent when i see it, regardless of what type of skills, or abilities if some one displays a gift or does something well "Don't hate , Praise them", in doing so your helping humanity by reduceing the number of people on this planet who think that by just being alive they deserve something with out struggling , and working for it, this is Real life nothing's free.

Real life is what happen's when you get a backbone, and except responsibility your actions , You are and will always be what you think you are , do you want to be a success "Be it", do you want to be a failure " Be it". - Jac!

Copyright 2012 Generation Jac! Publishing





     

Empty noise

Screaming in an empty room doesn't break the smothering gloom, staring at the night, while your reflection stares back by moonlight....
Many thoughts roll by ,  no big surprise , I sit and I stare, pretending not to care....
But memories are a cheap dance , and will destroy you if given a chance 
So i choose to sit quietly staring out a window , lost in the same thought that just wont let go....
In it creeps , even when i sleep , I awaken somewhat shaken , but it still repeats...
"She was never going to show, didn't you know , this is not the first time you've been the punch line of a joke.....
Over and over one vicious cycle, I need to jump off but its unlikely and doubtful...
Because i've gotten so use to the heartbreaking pain , that the embarressment of abandonment is no longer shame....
Agony gives me love , Misery a back breaking hug , A tearful injection of unwantedness has become an obsessive drug....
I'm staring out this window the moonlight kisses my reflection , one hundred years from now my dusty bones will be an indication...
Of what will never be when you give your heart completely , and you get nothing in return because nothing is what they see....
So holding tightly back the tears , screaming loudly hoping everyone will hear....
This empty room now holds my voice , but no ones listening its just empty noise....- Jac!



Copyright 2012 Generation Jac! Publishing   

# Volcano #

Call me Volcano you see me everyday , but you never say a word occasionally you'll turn and glance my way , but for the most part you walk by, with a sparkle in your eye
speaking sweetly of someone who has sent you soaring into the sky....
I am the volcano you've ignored so long , I've been there when you needed me when you were right and wrong , once sometime back you enjoyed my company , but now what pleases you does not include me....
Walking by without a word expressing not a sound , smileing and cheering about the true love you've finally found , I watched you throw away all the pain of the past , stepped aside wished you well , but in my heart knew it wouldn't last....
Because what your looking for is not to be found , on the streets , in a club ,or with the first guy who lays you down , Everything you've wanted all the the affection you crave , The one you cried for when you wanted to be saved....                    
Has been there waiting for you to get on track , wanting to wipe away your tears if you'd only look back....
But you dont , so your heart is broken ripped out and exposed , you act tough try not to cry as you walk pass the volcano , he see you watches you as you move to the next shredder , and wonders i guess being abused by losers makes her feel better....
Call me the Volcano you see me everyday , but you never seem to have anything to say...................... at least not to me.



Copyright 2012 Generation Jac! Publishing     

Don't look at me.

Peel back a layer or maybe three , look on the outside but dont look at me , brush away the dirt because theirs alot , i'm only human or have you forgot , maybe not like you , i dont want to be , so when you turn on the lights don't look at me ....
All we had between us has fallen to the ground , got trampled , and crushed and we made not a sound , no rescues ever came , no heroes appeared , this love died in a corner in fear....All that can be said if there is a need to be free , don't say a word , don't look at me......
I shall retreat into a shell and concede i have failed , find comfort in my dreams where everything ends well , as we walk away from each other and cut all ties , we find security , and safety in well constructed lies....
Crushing each others heart as we tell the story to friends , but in reality were hurt deeply and wish it never came to an end , the wall between us could have been 100 feet from the top - down , but if either one of us had tried we could have went around....
It would not have been such a long walk , and when we made it around we could 've sat and talked , I go to the site where it all ended for lunch , its my memorial to the place where i mattered to someone once ....
So when you peel back one layer , or maybe three look on the outside don't look at me.....- Jac!


Copyright 2012 Generation Jac! Publishing  

6 Billion books and counting....

I had intended on writing something different , but then i got lost in thought , and started thinking each human being is in comparison just like a book ,  from their birth , through life , until death your name  is the " Title" and the first page starts with the words " John or Jane Doe was born on this date at this time in this year. And everything you've done has and will be written down and added to your book , each sentence or paragraph can be considered a daily activity , and a chapter  can be looked at as something that dramatically changes the course of your life. Such as quitting or being terminated from your job , starting a buisness , getting married , having children , going to jail , moving to a new state or country getting hooked on drugs or alcohol  ( I'll stop with the examples you guys get the point... ) which is anything that can change the current direction of  your personal or family life is a new chapter in your life . Now sometimes we get writers block while were writing our story , in real life its called getting comfortable the way things are not wanting to take a risk because you might fail or maybe you dont want to loose the little bit of achievement you've gained , or hell you could just be lazy ( and when i say you i'm not refering to anyone in particular , ......or am I Ha ha ha ha you'll never know....) anyway without risk you can never turn the page of life and remember everything you do is risky . Lets say you fall in love ( Which is an unreal , and made up phenomena  it doesn't happen... ) but for the sake of this post lets say you do , then you decide to get married ( don't do it ... ) there's alot of risk that comes with being married alot of chages that your going to have to make to your personal habits , changes your going to have to make to your life, thats a new chapter in the book of you .
Hmmm , this is turning into a pretty interesting post thought provoking, when a loved one passes on your response will determine a course of action that will move you or you and your family to a place of peace , and understanding or kaos and collapse , and it will all be part of your book . I think the reason i started thinking about this is because , sometimes we get stagnated , stuck in a rutt i include myself in that catagory , and we tend to think this is it we can't go any farther , but thats not true all we need to do is look at that mountain and insted of saying i can't climb it , its to big , to huge say can i go around it or what do i need to get over it , when confronted with an ocean of deep water and you can't swim , learn how to swim by floating , you can only change your circumstances by realizing they need to be changed , and having the courage to leave your comfort zone and make those changes and expand the book of you add more chapters , more pages some will be sad , and painful others will be filled with success , happiness but regardless keep writing the story of you and taking the chances , that will change your life . Don't get stuck . - Jac!    

Soul of a poet : by Jac! Sabertooth

I stare up at the sky and wonder , watching the clouds and rolling thunder , I was the one left behind , no one seemed to care or mind , I'm still waiting for better days  But i don't think they'll come my way , Love is given never bought , some of us are never pursued or caught , we wander around in a haze of blue , longing for valentines we never knew , were in a constant fight with ourselves , to be someone different someone else , But it fails and they see through our thinly veiled  disguise, in embarrassment we run and hide , we all play a game , and then we dare , when called a name to say we dont care , but it cuts deep , deep into our soul , and soon pushes on us when we grow old.

I was the one left behind , No one seemed to care or mind , I was never found in the game of hide and seek , 'cause no one ever looks for someone like me , Flaming tears rolling down my cheek , but you'll never know 'cause you don't see me , Go hold hands , and look into each others eyes , go on with your happy little lies someone like me on the outside looking in , ignored when they say their looking for a good man , love is supposed to fill you with warmth and joy , But it appears love like hate can destroy.

For those of us drowning in pain , being washed away by a flood of shame , trying not to sink by holding on to grief , looking for a friendly smile to give us relief        That day will never come because................ The fires of pain , and agony has forge the soul of a poet , only unfortunately their are too many of us who just dont know it. - Jac!

Copyright 2012 Generation Jac! Publishing

Just me.. :(

Just me in the mirror and no one else , so tired and drained is there anything left , the eyes starring back looking right through me my vision so cloudy i can barely see , but i look back  with a panic reaction , i'm not sure this is my reflection. Or maybe, just maybe my mind is playing games it wouldn't be the first time, it tried to drive me insane.
But how do we know, how do we know for sure that its just a reflection, and nothing more, turn off the lights while you stand in your bathroom face your mirror and stare, what do you feel does it creep you out does it make you scared ?
I think i might be drifting and getting off track , i've been away for a little while but hey now i'm back, Fogging the mirror trying to clear my head , considering all options but i'm not dead.
Just a little tid bit for a snack , I've been away for a while but HERE'S JAC! , strange and unusual i wouldn't have it any other way, I have alot of annoying comments , sarcasims to say
A homeless guy ask me for money a few weeks ago , he said he needed to catch the bus to get home , I gave him three bucks he said thank you , thank you  and walked away to a car he owned. He sat in the driver side and then got back out , and walked over to a truck, i saw it and said no you didn't just do that, and decided to go ask him for two bucks ( he can keep a dollar).
When i got to him i said do you have two dollars you can spare ( i was polite which is hard for me ) he turned and gave me one hell of a death stare , i said it again in case he didn't understand , i said  do you have two dollars for me man , he took three steps back and the fear started to show, and he screamed like a little girl  No, No , Noooo! and took off running towards panda express ( i was at the walmart on 23rd & penn ) he ran a good distance and got really far, but the idiot forgot and left his car, I wasn't going to chase him not for three bucks , i was just having fun and screwing around and stuff ( dont think i was being mean ...)
Anyhow , any way trah la,la, dee, dee, this was my im back post i call it Just me. - Jac!   

My theme Song.... Meeeeoooow!

Scorched

A heart that is blistered by a rejecting flame , ignored by those who are to numerous to name....

Never vendicated by love , but tormented in lust, the longings of want, the must have's you just must....

Pretending it's all natural it's just an everyday thing , until every day becomes years and nothing has changed....

Sad, alone, and depressed and the world keeps turning , loving trust has evaporated, while depressing lonliness keeps burning....

Put your hands on your head and cry out a river , joy's on vacation, but misery delivers....

To be empty and alone in a croweded room ,  with a nervousness for it to end soon....

Thinking it will get better with each new day , is just a lie we say when something can't be saved....

So light that candle , and burn your torch , expose your heart so it can be scorched.  Jac! 

Copyright 2012  Dark poetry N.C.E.

Water Girl :(

Greetings I'm Jac!, on this particular post i am going to do something i said i would never do again, attempt to write a chapterized story. I tried once before actually it was 8 times before then i got bored , i have 4 uncompleted novels one which i think would be a spectacular read called the chicken wars i made one quater of the way into chapter one before getting distracted by some shineny object. But this time because i have a lot of deadlines to meet i'm going to do it differently ( maybe ) no, no theirs is no maybe this is happening , no matter if it takes 70 pots of coffee , 200 pounds of sugar,.........Crack ( Just Joking, dont take that line seriously, unless you got some ) Anyway below you is a story I intend on finishing i dont know how many chapters but i will finish it and all the others or my name isn't cletus rufus alluwishus brewbaker  Hawthorne The third. When ever I get the chance i will post another part of this particular story which i came up with yesterday , it's  50 percent fiction , 50 percent non-fiction . Which simply means some of this is based the lives of many different people, the character Ariel is based off of 5 different women that i've known over the thousands of years i have been around. 

                      Water Girl  by Jac! Sabertooth

                               Fifteen and nothing more

                                           Chapter One                                                                                                                  

   Summer June 20 2014 Oklahoma City, OK    10: 15pm / Temp. 87 degrees

And now more on the story we brought to you earlier on our 4pm news broadcast, police still don't have any leads on the person or persons responsible for 3 brutal murders committed two weeks ago.The victims prostitutes working blackwelder, and 10th street  in northwest Oklahoma City. A troubling news broadcast about a sreial killer in Oklahhoma City airs , sitting in a chair watching it, is a 45 year old woman named Rebecca Reynolds  holding a bottle of crown royal in one hand and a black and mild cigar in the other.

She's half dressed wearing just cut off jean shorts and her bra it's 10:16pm she's angry , she sent her 15 teen year old daughter Ariel out, to the store for crackers and coffee two hours ago she's not back yet, where is she, a voice in the background yells out; "That stupid daughter of yours can never do anything right i'm hungry bitch, where the hell is she" the slurred rant of the womans boyfriend the hairy shirtless  Doug , both having had more than enough to drink and both icthing for a fight, "I know!, I know! she's gonna pay for this, she's gonna pa......"suddenly the door opens it's ariel a thin, frightend young girl breathing hard, and wearing second hand gym shorts, and an oversized t' shirt "Where the hell have you been, you slut! " the mother screams, "Doug and I have been waiting.... were both hungry! "Doug interrupts "This is gonna cost you young lady, you tell me where you've been , where were you, out having sex with some boy!", like a flood rushing over a small town something happens to the young girl, she looks at the sweaty, fat, hairy 50 year old man , and maybe it was the sound of his voice, but she explodes " I dont have to have sex with some boy, I have sex with you every night after mom passes out!" theirs a sudden uneasy silence through out the room and then," She's lying , sh-sh- she's lying i told you , i told you she was like this , she's crazy get her out , get her out of here!"

The drunk mother's face wrinkles up and distorts, and then she screams "Get the hell, out of my house!," Ariel's eye's widen and with a shocked and sadden look on her face cries out," But mom its true, he's been doing it since i was 11.." Rebecca stops her from finishing moves towards her and pushes her towards the door and yells " Get out , get out , get out my house!" She pushes ariel hard into the corner of the coffee table, so hard it causes intense pain in the back of her right calf muscle she screams out,"Oooowww! ", and  then punches her mother in the face, realizing what she did she screams, "'I'm sorry mommy i didn't mean to! " Her mother screams out  "You bitch, you dont hit me, I'm your mother!"

Rebecca runs towards the chair were she was sitting grabs the bottle of crown royal and throws it, Ariel puts her hands up to protect her head and turns letting the bottle hit her in the back, " Grab her doug , grab her and hold her!", Doug rushes over and puts his arms completely around her , then rebecca runs over and begins hitting her in the head with her fist, the young girl is crying uncontrollably and screaming for them to stop ,"please stop , mom pleeaase stooop! " Rebecca opens the door, and tells doug to throw her out and he does. Ariel falls onto the porch crying terribly, until she hears the slamming of the door, she gets up and puts her hands upon the door, and pleads " Mom please open the door , i'm sorry i didn't mean anything i said PLEASE! ," suddenly she hear the voice of doug," You gone get away from here you little lyer , GONE!" , "Doug", she says "I'm sorry please forgive me , i wont tell anybody, your right i'm a lyer i made everything up , I'll tell everyone who ask i made it up, just please tell mom to open the door." " Girl , shut up! " doug screams , then she hears the words that crushes any hope of her ever being with her mother again," Go away I don't want you anymore, you lying bitch you disgust me GO AWAY! " Rebecca screams through the door.
It's midnight after sitting on the steps for an hour ariel begins to realize completely that she no longer has a home , so she starts a slow dazed walk from her mothers house to no where , from northwest 7th she walks up indiana street, it's dark she can hear yelling, and gun shots, cars drive by her and slow down the drivers make comments like how much, and get in i'll give you a ride, she's terrified she starts to run towards a convinent store on the corner of 10th, and indiana where theirs light.
Once she gets there she's frantic, shaking and looking around as if she was a crack, or methead in need of a fix, she moves off towards a corner of the building near 10th street to be by herself, not wanting to be near the hookers and junkies. It's 1:20am she's tired, sleepy, and scared regretting everything she said, thinking to herself, " I should have kept my mouth shut about doug, it wasn't worth it , i'd be home in my bed right now.... he-he didn't hurt me, and he was quick", As she tries to rationalize everything that has happened to her a voice breaks the silence, " What are you doing out here... , Do you need help? "

To be cotinued....

CopyRight Generation Jac! Publishing 2012
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POWER! , What is power and can I buy it at Wal-mart.

Does anyone know what power really is, most poeple think power is controlling someone through , violence , fear, or intimidation the ability to do what you want, and have lots of money, to buy what you want. Well your only partially right ( And so obvious, with your response, that i shake my head, and point my finger with saddness at our educational system ) Power is a little more complex then that , but not more complicated, understand their are degrees of power, power is nothing more than an ability to influence, and persuade on different levels, and in different arenas, thats why Cult leaders ( like myself, I'm joking, just joking :) i know that little statement is going to come back and bite me , anyway cult leaders , politicians , dictaters , religious , and entertainment figures seem to have such a hypnotic control over people because what they posses wheather they know it or not is something i like to call persuasive influential connection ( P. I .C . ) ( Yeah, thats right i came up with a theoretical concept, and i named it....) anyway the way this concept works is that many knowingly, or unknowingly pick certain elements of social culture ( ie: music , ideology , clothing , ethnicity often mislabeled as race by those who desire is to control, and those who are just to lazy to even investigate what words really mean, and religion ) and wrap themselves up in whatever catagory they've chosen and present themselves as some sort of leader, or know-it-all with a solution to what ever the current crisis a particular group may be faceing, example: the occupiers whatever their grievence's were they eventually caught the eye of people who wrap themselves up in the occupy angst and passed themselves off as men and women with ideas and answers to the problems the occupiers saw as critical, when they were manipulater's from anti-capitalist , and socialist organizations that's factual. Another example the so called race factor you know what i'm talking about although i must admit i've never met anyone of the so called white race , or black race most people i meet are either pinkish , or brown ( light , medium, or dark ) i've never met anyone white like copy paper , or black like my sharp , and cool suit that i wear when i decide to step out ( Yeah, thats right when i throw on that suit , with just a touch of gold accessories, a splatter of polo, or drakkar colonge, my choice of any one of my E.T. shades and LOOK OUT! get off the down hill road, because i'm One Cool C@ , and thats how i (Dinner) roll :)  O.K. where was i, oh yeah, the so called (race) game power grab, it's all about power and control, money and influence just as i described above with the occupiers , now let's talk ( BLACK ) POWER! a power based in victimization, the premise that what you have will, and can be taken from you by someone of the cacausion persuasion, and that these individuals are always looking for a way to turn back the clock of time to the year 1850, when killing a so called black person was legal, or at least not frowned upon . You want to know something out of all my post this one is the most sad and depressing, when a so called black person gets shot by a so called white person theirs an out cry for justice, the so called white person who is responsible is demonized in the media and looses everything including friends if their still around , while when a so called black person is shot by another so called black person theirs nothing , no out cry for justice no NAACP. Why not you ask ,Where are they, well i'm going to tell you , theirs no marching in the streets when its so called black on so called black because theirs nothing to gain you can't get a large crowd and lots of money speaking out against a so called black shooter, who just killed ( brutally ) another so called black person, theirs no profit in that, theirs no massive media attention in that No spot light.
Alright , now let's talk ( WHITE ) POWER! a xenophobic based power grab, rooted in fear and inadequacy, a transference of ones shortcomings, and failures on to another person to justify and validate why you can not achieve your goals. Basically what i'm saying without all the fancy word smithing is some so called whites are lazy asses but don't wont to admit it so they blame others to explain why their skrew ups, and then groups like the KKK exploit this irrational behavior, just like the NAACP exploit so called black fear, yes , yes ,yes their both the same exploiters for power.
Wraping themselves in etnicity to bring a false sense of unity, I think thats how hitler did it , etnicity, national unity , war , death.
Well this was supposed to be one post but i've got more to say on this issue, there are lots of power based groups out there , women (girl) power, Brown (hispanic) power, i think their might be some yellow power i'll check the international ailse at walmart, but i do know i'm going to pick me up a gallon of black power, a six pack of white power, and maybe some powdered green power. Man i must be tired i don't even know what i'm typing now , lets see its midnight yeah its late i've got a lot to do tomarrow.
I'll do a part two later on, unless i discover the secret to time travel then i'll do it yesterday, i think i have a general idea on how time travel can actaully work , its not completely linear theirs a dimensional bubble on the line of time that we all live within......It really is late and i really am tired i'm talking about something i shouldn't even be talking about good night everyone i'm Jac! Sabertooth and your not.- Jac! 
          

Hey, Hey, Hey! Your gonna learn something new today....

Today I'm going to attempt to do something different, unless i get tired then its the same old, same old..., But anyway here i go this post will be a two in one , or a three in one i will either do a 1. manical rant which i'm quite famous for, 2. a very creative poem, and 3. An award presentation (called " The Capital J, Encouragement awards".

It's an idea i came up with three weeks ago it's basically just an award in principal only, but it's primary purpose is encouragement, and acknowledgement to say to individual in a simple way " I see you " even if no one else does. So with that said.

                              Why do you want to know ?

Some people have asked ( And maybe rightly so , or they could have been drunk ) why don't i talk about myself or my daily activities to which i reply mind your own buisness, stop being so nosey ( I'm just joking , No i'm not ). I'm a private person but if you must know something about me , Here you go i'm self taught on everything , i believe in capitalism, I have a great since of humor even though i'll be writing a very sad poem later, and i'm an optimist, ( where was i born, you ask? I'm old very ooooolllllldddddd , I was born at the navel of the single continant at the foot hills of the mountains of the moon, where men knew so much, they dared think of themselves as gods. Ha HA Ha HA Ha.... I'm so wierd, but thats part of my charm Ha HA Ha HA Ha :) .

                                       A random POEM
                         But I'm not sure....
I lost my mind when it started to wander, it took with it me , myself , and I.... Now nothings the same i can't think , i can't even wonder why.
I just sit and think where ever i am watching the romantic holding hands as they walk....laughing and touching , holding each other, sweetly stareing at each other as they talk.
It's not bad when your alone, the 4 walls are your friends that is when your at home....But when your out there no one seems to care your as invisible the  unseen air.
Get used to it were never coming back , so says me , myself ,and I Yes you will i said, get back here, by my side.... I'm at home all alone by myself ,.... you've taken my dreams and imagination theirs nothing left , I will hunt you down , bring you back i will not be alone anymore.... Someone once asked me did they ever come back....
                 I think so...But i'm not sure..... -Jac!  

Copyright 2012

                             The Encouragement Awards

                                         The Capital  J's

   

(UP) Unique Presentation - Showing Originality, Creativity, and Vision, a forward thinking mind.

(CP) Courage Presentation - Displaying Boldness, Inner strenth, and discipline, a straight forward mind.

(EP) Endurance Presentation - Displaying Perserverance, determination, and focus an unyielding mind, and body.

(HP) Humor Presentation - Showing a keen and observant eye for finding the humor in all things, a quick and sharp wit is thesign of a energetic and creative mind.

(MP) Enthusiasm Presentation - Displaying motivation, and energy no matter what the task, an ability to submerge one self into the completion of the task.

(OP) Honest/Humble Presentation - Displaying an open and straight forward critique of one self and others, a willingness to step back and allow others to shine, without reluctance.

                                   Now the Presentations

Terra Ricen - UP , EP , CP , MP , Assert yourself a little more (not to me though) and dont hold back on being funny.  

Courtesy- CP , MP , HP , EP , Dont be content on being just another link in the chain you have leadership potential.

L.T. - HP , UP , EP , Your annoying once you get hold of a joke you dont let go, but i like that speak up , and out more .

S.D. (Sudden Death ) - CP , EP , Justice is the child of truth and action if truth is being suppressed action will be taken and you'll get justice.  

Bree-Z - UP , CP , EP , MP , OP , HP , You have the resources, now you need to tie them all together, remember money is just a tool that you use to achieve your goals.

pennamebree-z.blogspot.com 

C9 - UP , CP , HP , MP , OP , EP , Your in the same catagory as Bree-Z, with an additional remark never stop perfecting your craft , never stop learning new and better techniques.
troeb.blogspot.com  

Triple M - OP , CP , EP , You have a simple blog not dedicated to fire and brimstone, topics like mine, or HI-tech computer wizardry like Bree-Z , or Novelistic material like C9, yours is a blog of the heart, just a blog authored by a decent person wanting to meet and be friends. All i have to say to you is to add more humor dont hold back.
mylife-missmegmac.blogspot.com


Their you have it The Capital J award winners, for those of you with websites or blogs feel free to post an acceptance speech. Till next time I'm - Jac!

     

R U the one; Yea! The one 4 right now....

THEY SAY THAT BREAKING UP, IS HARD TO DOOO, NOW I KNOW. I KNOW, THAT IT'S TRUE. (How do you like that , I was just blog singing, and I sound pretty good in text form, Now "mush"on with the post )

   She loves me, She loves me not, He loves me, He loves me not, sound familar it should, itssss you
during that fleeting moment, when all the planets, are alighned, and the stars are brightly shining, and you think it can't get any better then this, your so happy,....... until that anvil drops on your head.
How are those bright stars looking to you now, welcome to reality, hard knocks 101, and in lesson one you learn despite what you think, or may be experienceing theirs is no such thing as mister, or mrs's right regardless if its your boyfriend/girlfriend, fiancee,or husband/wife, to put it bluntly their all just loser you have to deal with, freeloaders you need to compromise with, in order to have a somewhat happy life which usually doesn't work, example one, high divorce rate, example two murder/suicides over some perverse idea of true love ( I know some of you are saying, right now
Whoooaa, Whoooaa YOU BASTARD, where the hell is all that coming from.) I'm glad you asked
you see i've noticed something, for some reason ( and i've posted a similar rant somewhere on this blog or my website jacmania online) that people men, and women from ages 9 or 10 to 90 or 100 don't seem to think they can survive with out having some person hanging on them or around them especially women.
This need to connect , or find yourself through someone else, is very destructive, i understand loneliness, wanting, and longing to share yourself with some one else, to be able to experience another person ideas, and to allow them to in to your world , and to share with them all that you have acquired. I understand this, more then you know, but the problem is that to many people assume the first person they meet, or the second , or third , or fourth who smiles at them, calls them baby and takes an intrest in them, relateing to them on a serious emotional level ( and i'm not just talking about women here, this happens to men also..) when this happens a false connection is made the man or women starts to believe this is the one, and if your in middle school, or high school ....Man are you in for the biggest toilet flush of your life .... your hearts broken, shredded like a block of cheese on a cheese gradder ( By the way i had a massive homemade Burrito with three kinds of shreded cheese, lots of chilli i really could never be a health food fanatic i love junk food :).
Their is no Mister right, or Mrs right ( I GOT IT , it was this blog where i mentioned this topic, to be honest with you this particular post was supposed to be posted back at the begining of may i'm  notorious for putting things off sometimes for a year or two ) But anyway ( not anyways...) people have got to stop trying to live through other people, because this is what can happen, those people
your trying to find yourself through will get tired of being your mirror, they have their life ,and identity they are not interested in reflecting back to you a false image that you projected on to them.
But then again you have those men, and women who don't mind projecting their image, and personality on to someone their in a relationship with , totally absorbing that person dictating , and controlling as much of that person as possible until that individual decides to grow , thats when the problem starts. It doesn't matter if it's a man or woman in the controlling role , once the passive partner decides to grow and expand their horizons the one who's always been the more visible and outgoing ( dominant ) feels threatened , a feeling of losing control , especially when your entire world up to that point was built around the knowingly or unknowingly control of one person.
Now you can't put all the blame for a  failed relationships on the controllers, or the ones who choose not to be a part of a sic fantasy relationship, the women and the men bare 3/4's of the blame because of their neediness, and their desire to be someone , by being with someone and when it falls apart they bitch and complain to whatever friend or social media their connected with not understanding, because they have a unnatural longing to be loved at any cost, that if your not comfortable in the skin your in , you'll never be truly loved by anyone because you will always make them uneasy , and they will always see you as phoney because your not happy being in the skin your in.
Don't be in a relationship you have doubts about , Don't be a part of couple just because your lonely ( get a fish , no they die get aaaaaa... get a crocadile, yeah..) and don't get caught up in looks , the wrappings of a gift are always nice to look at , but whats on the inside, something good and useful or dog crap with grass stuck to it .
The next time you think of asking someone you been dating for three months are you the one, because they came at the right time when you needed healing from a busted up relationship, or some sort of family problems involving your parents, remember their going to say YEA! but the rest of that statment is ... The one for right now. - Jac!


P.S.- I just got a notice from facebook- Happy Birthday to Kelly , Paige , Lia , B.G       
     

Restless Longing

My name is everyone, i'm always on the run. Longing to be somewhere but never getting there. Wanting to feel somthing other then the blues of pain, as i open the book of my life all the pages are the same

Beneath the pyramid structure i carry upon my back, a shyness, and uncertainty, but courage i don't lack. Forward, always forward destination, once i'm there i'll know, its hard to explain this restlessness don't ask just let me go.

I am everyone who wants to be invisible, but not forgotten, who views death as a road block, even when their life is rotten, who stand naked before a crowd, on a mountain top and says nothing, always wanting the tresures of gold, but gives up everything.

For a restless longing at high speed, I am everyone , but i try not to be.- Jac!  

Jumping Jac!

On this particular post, I'll most likely be all over the place. Thats why i've titled it Jumping Jac! First i'd like to say greetings i'm Jac! lets play, I was wondering three weeks ago as i drove home, well it wasn't so much wondering as it was imagining what it would be like if we were all microbes you know those really, really, really, really small creatures we have to use powerful microscopes to see.

My thought was if we were microbes would we be aware of humans, are bacteria,and micro organisims aware of the enormous, monolithic lifeforms that they exist on, and live off of, or are we just a natural resource to them like the earth is to us, ( See I can always come up with something weird for you to think about ).

Why do people think they need to live through other people, or find themselves,

and their identity by connecting to someone they believe is Mr. Goodbar, or Miss butterworth( Did you guy's like my play on food, not the Mr. goodbar, but Miss butterworth, Mr. goodbar's been done before) anyway alot of people are looking for meaning, and understanding to give their life purpose especially when they hit their teenage and young adult years, they look to everything to fill that purpose void , and when everything else fails they turn to a man, or woman, and then that fails.

Time does fiy, it would be interesting if their was such a thing as a time machine, I once said it was impossible, but i've realize now that theirs a lot more accessibility to time then i once thought, I did more research into what a lot of scientist have discovered about time and the possiblity of time travel looks more like it can be achieved.

Some people fear success, Other fear the rewards of succeeding, why?, I'll tell you why because we now live in a culture were the idea of success and overwhelming accomplishment is frowned upon, that is unless you give half of it away to scammers and ripoff artist in the form of do-gooder organizations( Note: I'm not saying all do-gooder organizations are scam's not at all, one day i'll do a post on all the one's that are.) Success is good, being wealthty is good, I never got a job from a poor man, only a wealthty one.

I don't like squarrels, I'm at war with them, I'm watching them right now , their little tree climbing gang bangers, terrorizing my back yard, I think they may have done a drive by on my cats i haven't seen them in two days  Jac!   

        

As I take my bow, and exit....

As i walk across the stage of time, the curtain of what was; falls, and the dimmly lit corridor of past, present, and future memories awaits....

With my heart placed in a heart shaped box, in the form of chocolate, and my soul in the form of a flowered bouquet....

I enter the realm of destiny with prearranged words to say.
Up the staircase slowly with purpose, each step a point in my life time, every creak in the old wood frame a traumatic experience of mine....
But I leave that behind, that old life in the shadows, with my mistress'es misery, and pain, i think this is it yeah; this time its different, I think its time for me to change....
No one has been there as you have for me, you've seen my sturggles,and fought to set me free....
Extending your arms when I fell, pulling me up from the mud, and thuogh we never really said it, i believe it was love...
What else could it be, does it need to be more, I brought you in to my home gave you a key to the door, my entire outlook on life i now see brand new, as i anticipate that new life i'll share with you........
I'm on my floor standing before the door, I turn the knob, and go inside, nervous with excitement, but delighted with joy this will be a great surprise....
I hear laughter and glee, I hope its about me coming from the other room, its been 8 months we make a good pair i hope this isn't too soon....
Theirs more laughter, lots of giggling she must be on the phone with her friend hold on, theirs another voice a deeper voice wait a minute thats a man....
I move toward bedroom were the voices are coming from, and i see them naked embracing each other, what i wanted to say i couldn't say the words just wouldn't come....
My heart died that day as i backed away, and i've never shed a tear, I quietly said good bye and made my way down the stair's, I ended up a mile from where i lived sitting on a park bench, it was raining that day, i was soaked but didn't move an inch....
My heart had been ripped out and crushed , and could never be put back, so i opened the heart shaped box, how ironic the chocolate heart was cracked....
Drenched from head to toe, i considered paying my mother a visit, but then i thought why not walk out in to traffic take a bow and make my exit. - Jac! 

               From Jacmania online- Jac-oholics only(Dark Poetry collection)
                                                                                                            

Banana,Mango,or Ostrich egg

I like not being normal, or what people consider conforming normality, the title of this post says something about me, if you asked me to choose between a Banana,Mango,or a Ostrich egg I'd choose the ostrich egg, why? you ask, not because i want to show that i'm different but because i am, hey look at the photo's i take, I sometimes cringe when i see how every one latches on to the next fad the next new way of butchering the english language, or dressing so they can be like everyone else on pluto.

Different is good, different means you have originality, imagination, and vision anyone can be like everyone else but no one can be like you if you choose to be you. That means knowing what you like to do , knowing what you don't like to do , never giving any one the power to make you feel like you don't matter, and what you find interesting is stupid. Those idiots will only amount to being only what the herd wants them be, but some one with imagination can be so much more.

Remember its easy to walk down the yellow brick road with everyone else to get to the Emerald City, but if you took a different road, and caught a cab you'd get their quicker,( Honestly, I have no Idea what the above statment even means, I just thought it, and wrote it).

Any way your a unique entity, you've got a lot to offer with out being someone else, you may say this is you talking," but I'm boring my best friend says we should dress like JLO,or wear our hair like brad pitt", Fly crap! If everyone decided to be like every celebrity as far as dressing, and behavior this world which is all ready skrewed up would be even more skrewed and beyond help, everyone has something to offer as themselve's you don't need to be a cardboard cut out of someone else.

You know the reason why so many people don't know their selfworth its because no one knows what it means any more, important words with real definitions have been thrown around so casually, no one knows what they really mean anymore, Self worth is more than feeling good about yourself,or respecting others, having empathy for other people,SKREW THAT!, thats not self worth, Self worth is knowing your gifts, and talents, cultivating your abilities, knowing who you are and what you can do respecting,and appreciating who you are, what you can, and can not do,because you have to have, and know that their are bounderies in order to be a complete person who knows their self worth.

One of the Ancient greek thinkers once said  "Know thy self," knowing who you are is the key to knowing just how originally, unique you are, its like this other blogger i follow she's very unique i hope she doesn't loose that originality the blog is called Pen name Bree-Z she's very talented and she's finding her voice, and self worth, so can evry one else , you don't have to be another link in the chain.- Jac!      

Tumbling Down

A heart filled with emptiness,the deepest part of the soul,
The hands that held each other excluding, one who stands alone.
Pretending to look beyond them, but their they are before his eyes, are they really happy he wonders, to feel better he says no its a lie.
Why, why,why not me said over and over even when sleep why can't it be me who turns you on, and shelthers you from the storms.
Never the one their looking for, And he truly wants to be found,So the excluded one stares trying not to be seen as the walls of his life comes tumbling down.
I've givin a name to my pain, A face to my grief laughing on the outside but laughters just skindeep - Jac!

I'M A JERK :P.....

I HAVE SEEN THE INSIDE OF THE EARTH, AND BILL COSBY LIVES THERE ...... EATING JELLO PUDDING.......
Now that i have your attention, Hello everybody.., I'm Jac! "the cat"Sabertooth with something to think about.....HHmmm?

Have you ever wondered why when you were attending school, or if you are in school have you ever scratched your head and asked yourself why is it that the people who are dumber then a hole in the ground with a brick in it, are considered cool, while the people who are capable of forming full sentences, and who will most likely will be hireing the so called cool people,are called "dorks, nerds, geeks, and are made fun of and tormented. It has never made any sense to me, it should be the other way around it should be cool to pursue( for you cool people that means chase..)knowledge, it should.... make you a person to be admired, and copied, raising your hand in class because you know the answer should bring a quiet awe to the class room, not loud laughter, and riddicule. As i said before in a previous posting(shattered,cracked,and Pop) we are soooooo messed up as a nation, how do we expect to develope more einstien's, and steven hawkins when the stars of the classroom can't tell you their name with out a 10 second pause of just saying uuummm,... Come on! if you dont know what your name is, or you can't recite your name within two seconds after being asked you need to be put in the same cage with the chimp that knows sign language maybe it can teach something, because GOD knows the schools can't.

When i was in school, I was involved in both sports and science, i was consider a jock, and a nerd i was....( get ready).. A JERK, both jock and nerd i wasn't the only one their were others, (but we don't care about them this is all about me).

Their shouldn't be this divide in our educational system, look at college's, the atlethic dept. gets more money and support then the departments that actually prepare students, for entry into the real world. I know that its easy for someone to sit at a laptop ( yeah, i have a laptop, top of the line to, never be afraid or ashamed to spend money as long as it gets you closer to your goal..) As i was saying, pointing out or complaining about the state of any social, or cultural problem is kind of tricky, and at times may get you in hotwater,(Which is O.K. with me, because every mourning i get up, I walk off a cliff,"Which is going to be the topic of a post at a later time..) But despite the problems you may encounter when commenting on social, or cultural issues you should still give your opinion(Skrew those who don't like it..).

Back to the topic no where in this country should their ever be a time, or place where intelligence should be riddiculed, or tormented, nor should atlhetic ability, and self inflicted stupidity be placed at the center of the school ground social structure. Intelligence requires creativity, a willingness to search for answers (The root of a scientific mind), and a desire to learn something new, everyone should be willing to do this, try as hard as you must and keep trying, and learning.

This is the basic core of human existance"creativity"to know the unknown, not the lazy mindedness of "I'm not gonna raise my hand i might get embarrassed", or "look at that brainiac over there, he thinks he knows everything, lets get him after class,"this is the wrong way for students to be thinking, if their thinking this("I know they are, it may have been a million years ago but i was a student once":). America needs to,.. if its going to continue its public school system("I don't think it should, it needs to changed") needs to institute a policy were students are praised, and rewarded for their Intellect, and their willingness to speak up and participate ( For the cool kids that means to be a part of the action,) in the classroom. I know some of you are probably saying they already do that, some schools do, but not to the extent that I'm talking about, I'm talking about making this the centerpiece a national educational curriculum and if the teachers, and the teachers union dont like it get rid of them their part of the problem anyway, and if the parents aren't happy with it they should be held accountable because education starts at home.

The popularity pagents that take place in the schools are going to always be there, thats not an issue. But at least let the pagents be based on something more relevant then who can grunt the loudest, or who has the shortest skirt, or most make up on....("Here's some facebook lingo, oh wait a minute" For the cool kids relevant means <Important>...now facebook lingo-OMG this is a very long post SMH ..lol) I just did not feel right typing that... excuse me AAAAAHHHH!!!!! , I'm shaking really bad right now, I'm ending this post now, and I'm going to lay down...omg its just 11am smh AAAAHHH! FACEBOOK LINGO, get out of my head! omg,omg,omg,smh,smh,smh,lol,lol,lol,lmfao,lmfao, make it stop, aaaaahhhhh!!!- Jac!